Sunday, September 11, 2011

New Zealand:Astrology 101

 Ladies & Gentlemen,

I've finally DID IT!!!! :-D

Enrolled myself into an ASTROLOGY COURSE coz I'm too bored and lifeless and I have no friends and I need chun interesting stuff to blog about so that my readers will still support me & read my blog other than seeing what I'm eating every single day as if they care #foreveralone#....OMGOMGOMG!!!!

You all know how interested I am in all this nonsense spiritual soul-searching stuff......but my uncle just think I'm being silly for throwing money away but I don't care coz Imma REBEL :-D I NEVER LIKED following the normal accountant/doctor/teacher trend...eventhough back in M'sia I had a boring yet stressful day job but I always balance it out with my secret Performing/Blogging/Dancing life :-D okay...not so much of a secret :-P
and you know what????

My teacher/coach/sifu shares the SAME BIRTHDAY as I DO!!!! OMGOMGOMG!!! Fated I tell you!!! Feb 19th People are natural born self-deniers PSYCHICS!!!

So WHY NOT?????!!!!

Afterall, The main purpose of coming to New Zealand was a journey of earning big bucks & eloping with a super hot kiwi SELF-DISCOVERY :-D

So lets see How Much I'll know more about myself since I'll be calculating my own birth chart and then maybe learn a hocus pocus ritual trick or two to find a husband that'll listen to me since I'm not into that nasi kangkang steaming my ass & v jay jays thingy....

When I'm done, who WANNA BE MY GUINEA PIGS CLIENTS??? :-D Try try la okay...Don't be angry if I tell u some shietty stuff that is fated to happen coz it's not my fault you gave your mum contractions so that you can come out on that particular ill fated day...

I guess Astrology is up to you to believe it and up to you to challenge your fate.....My reading also not all good wert some okok some good some bad...take it as a guidance lor....

You've gotta try everything once in life right? unless it's drugs, sniffing glue/laughing gas, failing too many exams and switching too many colleges at your parent's expense, gambling until becoming bankrupt and affecting the people around you, getting pissed drunk every night and puking in front of zouk EVERY NIGHT, getting screwed by too many guys and then getting way too many abortions then you are too stupid to live on earth and should kill yourself la coz even ASTROLOGY cannot save you liao....

Anyways, I found some SUPER HILLARIOUS Horoscope description on this site Marbella Guide that made me super LAUGH DIE ME.....!!! Have fun checking out your sign description :-D

I've pasted Aquarius & Pisces one since I'm a cusp horoscope (has both characteristics as I was born within the changing of the moon)....eventhough after reading it I'm still more of a Pisces...:-P

PISCES

Character

Pisceans are very caring, compassionate and emotional. In other words, they are total pushovers. They are weak-willed and can usually be persuaded to exchange anything, no matter how precious, (their autographed Beatles ‘White Album’ for example) for a couple of pizza discount vouchers if you tell them that it’s a matter of life or death. lolololol!!!!!
Pisceans are very timid and have great difficulty socialising, and only slightly less difficulty getting out of the house. They particularly hate to be in places where there are lots of strange people around, such as opera houses, public libraries and department store lifts and for this reason also make it a point to avoid family reunions at all costs.
Emerging religious cults with little experience in recruiting often eye Pisceans as easy prey, since only basic brainwashing techniques are necessary. Pisceans should stay away from scruffy, barefooted men with shaggy beards who suddenly turn up and say, “Follow me,” to them 10 times in a row. If you see a Piscean fall under such a spell, simply say, “Don’t you follow him,” to them 11 times and you’ve saved the day.
Pisceans are artistic people who daydream a lot. Their daydreaming has resulted in some of the world’s greatest works of art – and worst traffic accidents. BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! The Highway Code actually suggests that if you find yourself driving behind a Piscean, you should honk your horn loudly at least every 15 seconds as a basic precaution.

Love

Pisceans’ love lives quite literally suck. This might very well be because of the way the planet Venus conspicuously steers clear of the Pisces constellation. On the other hand, it might not. Researchers who have studied the matter agree that, whatever the real problem is, Pisceans only make things worse by bathing once a week and staying in most of the time.
Pisceans with internet connections don’t do much better either. At best, they might manage to have sporadic chat-room relationships with other users who go by enticing nicks like pretty19. The only thing pretty about these fat middle-aged men on the other end is their pretty bad body odour.

Money

Pisceans are well known for their generosity. If you ever need to borrow a fiver, ask a Piscean and you won’t be disappointed. Try putting on a pitiful face and you might even end up with ten pounds that you don’t have to give back. Pisceans (or rather their money) attract people in the very same way a sticky old sweet attracts an army of ants – and for pretty much the same reasons.

Future

Pisceans live life day by day, which is not a bad thing when your future is as rotten as a spring egg at Christmas. Whatever a Piscean tries to do, he will fail. In theory, a Piscean can succeed by deliberately trying to fail, but that’s just not the way it works. If a Piscean tries to fail, he will simply fail miserably; if he tries to fail miserably, he will totally, utterly and completely fail; and if he deliberately tries to do all that, hahahhahaha!!! Nature will smite him for being so arrogant. The famous Pisceans mentioned below are simply the exception that proves the rule.

Famous Pisceans

George Harrison, Dr. Seuss, Jerry Lewis

Ideal jobs

Pisceans will feel most comfortable as potato diggers, funeral directors or garden gnomes. lolwtfwtfwtf!!!

AQUARIUS

Character

Aquarians are intellectuals, which means that they know a really great deal about lots of irrelevant stuff. Try marvelling at a magnificent red sunset in the presence of an Aquarian and be prepared for a long lecture on planetary orbits, wavelengths of light and dust particles in the atmosphere. Obviously, Aquarians are not at all romantic. In fact, Aquarians use the word ‘romantic’ to talk about the sort of stuff you found boring at school, such as Keats, William Blake, or Latin.
If there ever was a rebel at heart, it had to be an Aquarian. Aquarians just love to go against accepted ideas and norms. Not surprisingly, they have come up with many of the world’s weirdest ideas such as lobotomy, break dancing and salmon flavoured ice-cream. This freethinking trait lasts until around their 60th birthday, when they suddenly become stubborn, eccentric, old gits.
Aquarians are independent people, which is actually a polite way of saying ‘friendless’. HAHAHAHAH!!!! It is practically impossible to have any form of relationship with an Aquarian and anyone who does attempt to do so should be aware that they run an extremely high risk of brain haemorrhage. Why anybody actually bothers with Aquarians in the first place is one of sociology’s most intriguing mysteries and the various theories that have been proposed will be the subject of a forthcoming BBC documentary.
One strange thing about Aquarians is that they seem to enjoy giving stuff away. This may make them appear rather altruistic, but in reality, they just can’t be bothered to hold a garden sale.
Politically, Aquarians tend to be liberals. Socially, they tend to be inept.

Love

Picture the love life of a medieval hermit in a damp cave and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what it’s like for Aquarians. The only thing Aquarians know about love is that it’s something they have absolutely no luck at all with. In fact if an Aquarian ever actually enters into an intimate relationship, it is entirely due to the other person’s misfortune and thankfully does not last long. HAHAHAHAHAH!!! An Aquarian’s ideal partner is of course anyone he can possibly lay his hands on.

Money

Money is another weird Aquarian invention. Who in their right mind would risk their life hunting wild oxen in return for a couple of shiny pebbles? The idea has since been taken a few more steps down the winding path of weirdness, and most people today would actually do anything for a few worn out bits of paper. Aquarians are not at all embarrassed to have brought about this ridiculous situation. They would do anything for some of those bits of paper too.

Future

Aquarians have great hope in the future – in what they call the New Age of Aquarius. That’s where they believe great progress and ultimate knowledge lie, not to mention actual fun stuff like arcane rituals, magic potions and naked moonlit dances.
The real truth is that one day an Aquarian will come up with some invention that will spell the doom of the whole human race. The only way to avoid this catastrophe is to spell the doom of each and every Aquarian before he gets the chance to invent anything at all. The only problem is that doom is very easy to spell, but most people cannot spell ‘Aquarian’.

Famous Aquarians

Galileo Galilei, Charles Darwin, Abraham Lincoln

Ideal jobs

Aquarians excel at being mad scientists – and mad in general. Some like to think that they might make great wizards.

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